Uchiha Family Camping
by Rot-Chan
Summary: Shisui creeped over...slowly pulled down the zipper..."Surprise!" Shisui exclaimed, bursting into the tent hoping to scare the hell out of Itachi...who of course, did nothing. ::Fem!Shisui. Ita/Shi. One-shot, crack.


**Title:** Uchiha Family Camping

**Author**: rot-chan

**Genre**: humor/crack/romance

**Summary**: Shisui creeped over...slowly pulled down the zipper..."Surprise!" Shisui exclaimed, bursting into the tent hoping to scare the hell out of Itachi...who of course, did nothing. And why the hell was he sleeping?

**Setting**: Non-massacre AU

**Notes**: Fem!Shisui. Itachi and Shisui are both around 15-16 years old. For my Livejournal friend akitotsubaki, as she's been a bit down lately and her fem!shisui was really well written. I know this one-shot's pretty long, but I couldn't help but go into humorous detail, and explain the angst of young relationships [haha]. It's actually a parody of teenage specials and movies and stuff where camping is portrayed as this eventful, disastrous thing. Reviews are much appreciated, they motivate me to write :)

* * *

Shisui choked on her guacamole pizza. "Camping?"

It sounded an awful lot like 'camffing' because they'd sprung this on her mid-bite. _Uchiha Family Camping, this weekend! _to be exact.

The first thing that came to mind was watching way too many movies that involved camping and all the disasters that usually followed - slipping bugs in the girls' tents, getting lost and eaten by a bear in the woods, and getting stranded in the middle of a lake (and possibly thrown overboard by Jason).

So all Shisui could say - or rather, exclaim, was: "What the hell do you _mean_, camping?"

To which Fugaku coughed, Mikoto looked embarrassed, and Shisui's parents looked down right mortified at their daughter's outspoken, un-lady like behavior.

Earlier that evening, Shisui and her parents had decided to pay a visit to Fugaku and his family. Conveniently enough, they lived only 15 minutes away. For years, Shisui had grown up around her unyielding and suffocatingly traditional Uncle Fu, whiny little Sasuke, her sweet homemaking Aunt Mikoto, and of course, Itachi.

Itachi, who was sitting across from her, eating his pizza with a knife and fork. Yeah, no explanation for him was needed.

"Camping? CAMPING?" Shisui cried out, laughing in disbelief and partially in horror. "CAMPING." OK, how many times had she said the word camping?

"Shisui, don't swear," Shisui's father said sternly as his wife apologized on Shisui's behalf, while Fugaku gave them his usual stick-up-the-ass expression and simply wiped his mouth with a napkin. He was eating salad, since Mikoto was 'worried about the fragile condition of his health' and had instated on him a mandatory junk food ban.

"You can't say words like_ H-e-l-l _around impressionable young minds," her father said. He was one of those people who believed in everything organic and teaching in an 'equal and safe' environment for his elementary school students (um, can you say ex-hippie?). Shisui's eye twitched. Did her dad have to act totally bizarre in almost every situation? And did he seriously think a _ten year old_ couldn't spell?

"Shisui." Shisui looked up at Itachi, who gave her a look that was almost sympathetic. "I am going as well. It has already been decided. It's a sort of...reunion. Most of our extended family will be involved." Yes - definitely pained. So even Uchiha Itachi, the most Mature and Sensible person she knew, had some kind of kryptonite. Huh.

As Sasuke whined about getting his pudding cup, Shisui heard her mother say in a low voice, "When we get home, you are NOT watching that ridiculous reality TV anymore. No wonder you're speaking this way - it's filled with profane language! Don't you agree, Fugaku?"

Shisui snorted. Oh yeah, ask the guy who practically starved and whipped his children if they didn't get A pluses on every single test.

"Yes. Actually, I'm glad you said something. Mikoto and I were just having a similar discussion the other day about our eldest son's music material..." Fugaku said as he stared at Itachi, who after a moment disinterestedly excused himself and took his plate out without saying a word. Now that caught Shisui's attention - because if there was one thing she really liked, it was anything controversial or labeled 'Parental Discretion Advised'.

Before she could even get a chance to go harass Itachi about his music, Shisui's father cleared his throat which miraculously brought silence. "I'd like to say that I'm looking forward to our mini-vacation. Camping was certainly part of the best days of my youth. I'm sure we'll all have a fine time, a GRAND time. I think we're even going to be there in time for a meteor shower. Amazing, isn't it? Amazing..." He trailed off. Shisui almost gagged, because he was totally doing that sparkle-in-the-eye reminiscing thing again.

Looking rather disheartened, Fugaku arose from the table with his soggy half-eaten salad. "Yes, yes, very interesting..." He paused as Mikoto came in with a tray of delicious looking mini key lime pies. He reached over to grab one -

Just as Mikoto slapped his hand away and actually shook a finger at him. "Ah-ah! I already told you, Fugaku. No sweets!" Mikoto walked back out to the kitchen and got him a granola bar. Fugaku stared at it sourly.

As Itachi finally walked back out to rejoin them, Shisui felt a major headache coming on. Miserably, with the eyeliner she had in her pocket Shisui wrote a sad little 'SOS' on her paper napkin and stared. She dejectedly crumpled it up and laid her head on the table. Plainly, she was doomed.

**OOOOOO**

"I didn't exactly WANT to come here, you know. Did anybody ask me if I like camping? And you know, just because I like sports doesn't mean I like having a _salamander_ crawl into my tent," Shisui said sharply, throwing a biting fake smile in Fugaku's direction as she angrily shoved her marshmallow straight into the flames of the campfire, completely unaware that it was igniting beyond edibility.

It was already the first evening of the Uchiha Family Camping and the day had dragged on and on...and on.

The icing on the cake was that some brat (ahem, _Sasuke_) had decided to put a disgusting reptilian mutant he'd caught in the stream right inside her tent. What a nice surprise, looking up from her VC Andrews to see a freakish orange thing crawling near her feet.

Sadly, even after telling Uncle Fu and her other relatives her horrible story, they had little sympathy. They actually _laughed_.

Thing weren't much better with everyone else. The Uchiha Family Camping event had gotten off to a rocky star. Aunt Choko was complaining about her missing hair products, two of their cousins had gotten into a fight that resulted in one scab and a bloody nose, and Shisui's parents were suspiciously missing.

_Missing_. Shisui scoffed, rolling her eyes as she threw her charred marshmallow skewer into the flames.

Well, Shisui knew exactly where her parents were off to - their love nest, AKA the paddleboat on the lake. The days were even longer, and though it was already 7:30, the twilit sky was hardly dark. Shisui's mother had said that she and Shisui's father were going off to have some 'needed alone time' after being in the car with Shisui, Itachi and his family today. An hour later, and they still weren't back.

"So what if they 'strongly believed in carpooling'...doesn't mean that they should just go off in the middle of the lake and have a make-out fest," Shisui muttered as she walked off towards her miniature-sized tent. Considering there were almost 25 of them in all, there was barely enough family sized tents for the kids to sleep in. So she got stuck with this little bubble of plastic.

Shisui pulled down the zipper, peeking inside to see if there were any more gross things lurking in there -

And nearly had a heart attack when she saw Itachi, who was curiously observing the back of "Flowers in the Attic".

Shisui breathed heavily before angrily demanding, "When the hell'd you get in here?" Seriously, Itachi had this freaky habit of just appearing out of nowhere.

Itachi simply blinked and set down the paperback. "I apologize for...invading your tent, but Sasuke - he's very preoccupied with our tent, and..." he trailed off, seeming at loss for words.

Shisui raised a finely arched brow. "He won't let you in, will he."

"..."

Shisui sighed with a little laugh. Really, Itachi was too much.

Shisui crawled into the space beside him. Sitting on her sleeping bag, Shisui fidgeted as she waited for Itachi to say _something_. The moments went by, and Itachi silently fiddled with that stupid friendship bracelet their cousin Nanami made him. It was kind of awkward. Actually, now that she thought about it, things had been a little bit awkward between them lately. Shisui thought it was pitiful that Itachi let himself get bossed around by his bratty 10 year old brother, but she just couldn't kick him out.

When it came to Itachi, he was like her accidental siamese twin or something - they always ended up together. Maybe it started in elementary school, when she'd given him a dumb kiddie valentine with sour patch kids (just so she could giggle when his face got all puckered) which somehow led to him following her around the playground every day, even though he was a grade above her.

Or, maybe it was when Itachi ended up being Shisui's math tutor in the sixth grade, and they started to spend way too much time together. It just so happened that even though Itachi was annoyingly quiet and honest and seemed to _love_ to point out her mistakes, they both surprisingly liked post-punk bands and classic movies - and Shisui found she didn't mind it that much, which was plainly freaky.

Or maybe it was her own fault. You know, for being so completely neurotic and wondering if Itachi thought about her like this, or anybody like this, and -

"Shisui, if you would like me to leave, then I can."

"No, no, just shut up," Shisui said sharply. But that was just her way. "It's getting kinda cold out. You have nowhere else to go. Unless you wanna go hang out with your dad and watch our uncles get piss drunk together."

Itachi just looked at her, in mixed amusement and disbelief. Shisui reached over and squeezed his wrist between her fingers. She was just dying to pick on him about that stupid bracelet. "I can't believe you're seriously wearing a _friendship bracelet._ With heart shaped beads on it. Hah!"

**OOOOOO**

Shisui ran a brush through her annoying, unruly hair. It was so humid out, she felt like she had a perm. It was the second day of their trip, and only two days remained. That wasn't very hopeful. It was already noon, and all Shisui felt like doing was reading a book or going to sleep. Instead, she had to hike through a mosquito-infested woods and watch everybody fish, because the Uchiha family had to have a freaking camp-out family fun weekend. Because they were "all about tradition". Oh, please. She felt like hurling.

All the Uchiha men were going on about their 'fishing materials' and 'tackle equipment', and even Uncle Fu seemed to be getting kind of into it. Slathering on some sunblock, Shisui looked over at Itachi. He was standing off to the side with a bored expression, until Fugaku walked over and shoved a fishing pole into his hand.

Rather fascinated, Shisui watched Itachi's face darken. He pushed the pole back into Fugaku's hands...and Fugaku firmly shoved it back into Itachi's hands. It was like a comical scene from a movie. Shisui could faintly hear Fugaku's bickering. It was probably something along the lines of: 'It's time to man up, son! Be a man, and catch a trout.' Really, what was up with Uncle Fu and his 'my son has to be the crazy-best Type A' anyway?

Shisui zipped up her tent. In a few minutes, they all started off towards the hiking trails. Itachi was walking a considerable distance away from the group up front. Shisui looked over her shoulder. Itachi seemed pretty down. She hesitated for a moment, allowing him to fall into step with her before she said in a words-of-wisdom way, "Itachi, don't worry about the whole fishing thing. I know you hate it, but it's just for an -"

"Shisui, do not worry about me," Itachi said offhandedly with a neutral expression. Shisui pursed her lips. She knew things were kind of rough between Itachi and his dad. Her dad was always like, 'Make love, not war'. Having a dad like Fugaku would totally suck. Still, it killed her - why couldn't he just _tell_ somebody when he was pissed off? Shisui watched Itachi walk ahead of her, frowning at his back before jogging to catch up.

**OOOOOO**

After sitting on the banks of a river watching Fugaku do some intricate thing with some bait, two tackle boxes and an overdeveloped tadpole (that being the only thing he caught besides an old gatorade bottle), Shisui was tired and feeling awfully sweaty.

Yes, the entire day sucked, but at least Shisui got to see Fugaku emasculated in front of all his family members. That was a pretty good consolation.

Except he kind of freaked out when Itachi caught like, _one_ fish. And it was pretty small, but still - they all knew Fugaku had that 'my son can't be better than me even though he is without trying' issue. Itachi had trudged off somewhere for hours; he somehow mysteriously reappeared just as they were going back.

Shisui stretched as she walked around the campsite, feeling tired and tempted to rip her skin off from her fifth mosquito bite. It was already eight o'clock, and she'd already finished her novel. Though Shisui hated to admit it, but...she was _bored_.

The only place she could go was the river bank near their campsite, the campfire, or her tent. After watching all those old horror movies, no way was Shisui going to the river. Over at the campfire Shisui saw that sometime in the past half hour the men had broken out the six-packs, and she was pretty sure they were going to start singing some drinking songs again, so she wasn't going over there.

Then, Shisui got a very wicked idea. A grin crept onto her face. Yeah - it was perfect.

Feeling rather impish, Shisui quickly went off towards their tents. She spotted the blue family-sized tent closest to the woods. Itachi's tent. An eye for an eye, as she'd say.

Shisui creeped over...slowly pulled down the zipper...

"Surprise!" Shisui exclaimed, bursting into the tent, hoping to scare the hell out of Itachi...who of course, did nothing. And why the hell was he sleeping?

Shisui gave an annoyed sigh and crawled into Itachi's tent. It smelled faintly of SPF 40 (Mikoto was big on SPF) and plastic. He made no reaction to her blatant intrusion. Shisui was tempted to roll her eyes. She'd probably have to throw a rock at Itachi's head to rile him.

"Hey, you. _Psst_." Shisui hissed jokingly as she kneeled down next to him, not feeling a bit ridiculous in an ancient night shirt and shorts. "_PSST_._ Why are you sleeping?_"

Itachi rolled over onto his side to face her, and involuntarily Shisui felt laughter creep up her throat when she saw his hair was in complete disarray out of its usual ponytail.

"You're gonna sweat to death in that sleeping bag," Shisui said sweetly. Then she added wryly, "That is, if you're actually wearing _pants_ -"

Itachi narrowed his eyes visibly and kicked her in the leg with his foot through his sleeping bag. She knew that'd get a rise out of him. Besides, she didn't care - only Itachi could kick her like that without her wanting to give him a good punch.

He closed his eyes again, breathing heavily. "I'm tired," Itachi simply said. Shisui stared. It was kind of sad seeing Itachi just lying there alone. Itachi could be serious and all, but he seemed kind of sad. It made Shisui feel bad, seeing his chest gently rise and fall like he was vulnerable or something.

Guilty as hell, actually. Why didn't she just step up and tell Fugaku to back off and say something like, _So Itachi hates fishing. FYI, he's heterosexual. I saw him turn red last year when that girl on the cheerleading team flashed the whole entire grade, idiot! _Well, it was true.

Shisui carefully crawled over and lied down next to Itachi. It felt more cramped this way. How did Sasuke actually sleep in here?

Itachi's eyes searched her face. Shisui spoke up, playing with that stupid friendship bracelet on his exposed wrist. "Hey...I just wanted to say that you are doing a good job, you know - and I really think you're too hard on yourself, Itachi." Despite not making much sense, Shisui felt better.

She did feel a lot better. Even when her pulse throbbed in her wrists as Itachi hesitantly raised his hand, then stroked the side of her face; the material of his sleeping bag rustling in the quiet as he began to lean over, his face close to hers, about to -

Suddenly there was a shriek, a muffled banging noise, and then the entire tent collapsed onto Shisui, who couldn't help but scream herself - albeit in anger. Though it didn't quite overcome the shouts of, "IT'S JASON! _IT'S JASON!"_ that sounded an awful lot like their 17 year old cousin Risa, and the subsequent crying and racket that followed.

Shisui caught her breath while they found themselves in a massive heap of plastic.

"Why the fuck did the tent just collapse?"

"..."

Well, Shisui had never quite remembered to talk like a girl in sticky situations.

**OOOOOO**

While Mikoto scolded Sasuke and his younger cousin Saburo about the 'dangers of pretending to be a horror movie character', Shisui awkwardly watched as two of their uncles failed miserably at re-pitching the tent, even though it was only made of wire rims and plastic.

Itachi wasn't meeting her eyes. In 2.5 seconds, Shisui had pretty much turned into a gag-worthy chick flick heroine, with romance - or really, an almost-kiss - on the brain. Because she seriously didn't do romance, that was pathetic. Kind of.

"Itachi -" Shisui paused when she saw Itachi walk away to talk to Mikoto and Fugaku. Probably to tell them to stop being so hard on his little brother or something.

Shisui miserably walked back over to her own tent, feeling weirdly confused and a little rejected. She'd always kind of known that she'd liked Itachi a little bit - well, better than those doofus losers who sat next to her in study hall and tried to guess the cup size of their busty Biology teacher, and way better than the guys at her retail job.

Yeah, Itachi was a little weird, and sometimes he was way too angsty about the little things that shouldn't matter, and he could be totally honest and way too realistic. But seriously, Shisui could honestly say he was one of the only friends who'd ever stuck by her, even when she'd almost gotten suspended from their school for throwing rocks at the pep squad...he'd even offered to take the blame. Jesus.

Shisui crawled inside her tent, flopping down onto her sleeping bag and wishing it were tomorrow, just so she wouldn't have to think about this whole torturous as hell night.

**OOOOOO**

_"Rise and shine!"_

Shisui almost died.

Aunt Mikoto grinned through the opening between the unzipped tent. "Shisui-chan, all the girls are going swimming at the lake today! A little adventure," Mikoto said cheerfully, while Shisui shakily smoothed back her wild wavy-morning hair and tried not to have an aneurysm. Why was it that Uchihas liked waking each other up in the worst ways possible?

Shisui stammered, "W-what time is it?"

"It's already ten, sweetie pie!" Mikoto said, with a slightly worried expression. "Shisui-chan, you've been asleep all morning."

_Chan_? Shisui breathed deeply, stretching. "Yeah, yeah, lake adventure, whatever. Count me out."

Mikoto said in a sad tone, "Oh, I was really hoping you'd go with us. Are you _sure_ you don't want to...?"

Shisui gave her best genuine smile and said, "Really Aunt Miko, it's cool. I'm just gonna hang out here, maybe go take a walk later or something."

Mikoto gave Shisui an easy smile and patted her wrist before gently zipping up the tent and walking off towards the other girls. Shisui sighed deeply, flopping back onto her pillow and staring at the translucent material of her blue tent. She hadn't gotten much sleep - she'd been awake till 2 or 3 AM, and had finally fallen asleep close to early morning.

She stared at her phone, holding it above her and disinterestedly flipping through the photo log. Shisui happened to come across a stupid picture that her mother had taken of her and Itachi about a year ago.

She was still just coming out of her Punk-Goth phase, and they'd both ended up sitting next to each other in the booth at a restaurant with Sasuke on the very end when their families had decided to eat out together. Itachi was staring, just calm, while Shisui was shooting a smirk and a half-glare at camera, as she'd never liked getting her picture taken. But still...it had been kinda fun, just a little enjoyable. Shisui felt her stomach turn. OK, this had to be some kind of weird sign or something, she had to talk to Itachi.

Hesitantly, she ventured out of the tent, squinting at the harsh sunlight, zipping it up and leaving the solace behind to face the music.

The walk towards Itachi's tent was like a walk of fate...or a walk to her doom. As she approached it, Shisui briefly rehearsed what she'd say. She took a deep breath. "Itachi, I didn't exactly mean to go into your tent last night to make-out with you or something. I mean, I wasn't expecting you to get all sentimental or something..."

"Shisui."

Shisui's heart jumped when she saw Itachi pop up from behind the tent. Shisui muttered, "_OhJesusChrist_, can you _please_ stop scaring me like that." She breathed in, feeling slightly humiliated and hoping against hope that he hadn't just heard what she said to herself.

"What are you doing?" Itachi asked with an inquisitive look as he walked over. Shisui suddenly felt kind of sick; she hoped she wouldn't chicken out.

"Itachi...can we...talkaboutsomething?" Shisui rushed, trying to be as casual as possible.

Itachi stared for a moment before saying, "...Alright." He walked around towards the back of the tent, Shisui following after him. "It was too humid to sit inside," Itachi explained; but all Shisui could do was balk at the MP3 player that was sitting in the grass like the holy grail.

"_You!-_ You were holding out on me all this time?" Shisui exclaimed, snatching up and observing the MP3 as she sat down next to him.

Itachi furrowed his brow. "I wasn't aware that you wanted to listen..."

Shisui felt her lips quirk into a tiny smile, feeling just the slightest bit more at ease about the whole situation. Shisui looked at what was playing. "Nirvana..." she trailed off, raising her eyebrows. "So...this is what your dad didn't want you listening to."

Itachi nodded, giving her a look between shy and awkward. "Well, screw that," Shisui said way more softly than she intended. Then impulsively, as she heard the first few lines of _About a Girl _start to blare from his headphones, she leaned over and kissed him for just a moment, feeling strangely satisfied.

Shisui pulled away as Itachi gazed at her with mild surprise in what was probably the best reaction Shisui had ever made him have.

"Yeah, well, maybe I wanna listen," Shisui said, as she leaned her head a little closer, and Itachi sort of smiled at her, and everything felt right.

_A_ deep voice near them suddenly boomed, _"Aahaahaa!"_ It was their Uncle Jiro, standing nearby the tents and looking on with an amused expression, as he had seen everything. "_KIDS_ today. So horny..."

Shisui screamed.

* * *

_[End notes: OK, so has anybody ever had one of those uncles who are really dryly humorous and outspoken and kind of mean? Haha, I do, he'd probably say something like that. :) What are families without dysfunction? I hope everyone enjoyed this...I've never written fem!Shisui before, but it was really fun. Thanks for reading.]_


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